Think about Lowering the Bar to Lower Your Stress

Often times, we set such high standards for ourselves. We want everything during the holidays to be PERFECT! That, in turn, creates so much stress for ourselves and our families. 

How about deciding instead that we are going to “do our best” instead?

And that can take on lots of meanings, look at how we could change a few things to get huge stress relief.

Open a bottle of wine, set the table and order in pizza! Remember - it’s about being together and enjoying that time. It’s not about whipping up some fancy meal and resenting your cousins for coming unannounced!  *See below for 'kids being bored.'

No problem! New toys are out, empty boxes haven’t been tossed yet, wine glasses still haven’t been washed? Instead of that little mess getting you down, think of the joy and fun that created it - and smile. If it really bothers you, do a little at a time. You’ve got a lot on your plate. It’s okay to reduce your standards a little. Nobody is judging you! 

Who cares! Be original and wear a “U” around your neck with a black sweater! Or go online and order any old ugly sweater. Forget about perfect!!  Honestly, nobody cares about the sweaters. They care about you being at the party. 

Pick the ones you really want to go to. If you feel you must make an appearance at all of them, do just that. Make an appearance. Explains to the host in advance that you have so much on your plate but that she’s important to you and you definitely want to stop by for a short while. 

Yes- it is. But you can also incorporate a “giving” piece to the holidays. Do something as a family that helps others. (i.e.: bake cookies and bring to a shelter, old age home, soup kitchen; be a Secret Santa to a family that can’t afford gifts - the Junior League may still do this.  Go shopping together to fill the list.) Your kids will learn that giving feels really good!  

If you must go shopping with your kids, make sure you have a plan! Have a relaxed, preemptive conversation with them in advance:  “We are going to go to the toy store. I know how fun and exciting that is - especially before Christmas. Mommy needs to get some shopping done but I’m going to let each of you have 15 minutes to look around (use a timer and give 5-minute countdowns)  and even pick out two things that you want for Christmas. It’s going to be a little bit crazy and crowded, so we are going to need to stay together and be patient with each other. Sound like a plan?” 

Make sure that you really do give your children their time - and they are helping you to shop for them in the process! You will probably be able to find most of what you need while your kids are looking too. But do expect them to be a bit rambunctious. What kid wouldn’t be super-stimulated in a toy store?? Make sure to give them guidelines in terms of the shopping. (See Sue's 7 Rules for Stress-free Gift-Giving).  If your child wants to spend his 15 minutes in the electronics section, or the big kid sports section, that’s okay! It’s his 15 minutes to look.  All that said, try to do as much of your shopping online, alone, and during the quiet times. 

Holiday time can be extra stressful for moms - the kids are home all day and we feel like we have to be the entertainment committee. Try to recruit visiting family members to spend some scheduled time with your child(ren). It can be an outing or it can be playing a board or video game, imaginative play, baking, reading some books, etc.  If you don’t have any extra hands or bodies around, you can schedule times to do these things yourself. But that doesn’t mean it has to be ALL DAY LONG! Let your children participate in the planning and then schedule downtime as well. Tell your children that they will have some time to themselves. Maybe play with new toys or gifts, maybe read a book, draw a picture or daydream! If you want quiet time, it’s possible to schedule that time as a family too.  If your children complain that they are bored, the best answer is a simple “oh”. If they know what boredom is, they are capable of figuring out a solution. On the other hand, it’s okay to be bored. (see tip #35). Instead of rushing to “fix it” or reacting with suggestions, let your child know that it’s normal to be bored sometimes. “I hear you. Sometimes mommy is bored too. “  If our children learn that this feeling isn’t something that we worry about, then their proclamation of that feeling may go away. If they persist, suggest they help you with some chores. “If you don’t want to be bored right now, and you can’t think of anything to do, you can come help me fold the laundry/let’s clean out your closet/make dinner together, etc” That should do the trick!